it was a set up

I'm notoriously late. it's not a good look. It will take eons of being early to live down this rep and in my family I would still probably never live it down...

My mom set me up yesterday. For what purpose? I don't know. To have something to be annoyed about? It's lunacy.

here's the story.

Yesterday my little sister texted me in the AM.

her: mom has a doctor's apt. at 3 but I'm in school can you take her?

me: yeah sure

her: she's been having coughing attacks. god forbid something happens while she's driving.

me: yeah ok no problem

her: pick her up at 2:30

She lives 7 miles away from me. Around 2 I start getting ready. Pack up melo's diaper bag, change her, bundle her up, bundle myself, up get in the car, drive over to my mom's. It's about 2:20 when I leave. She lives 7 miles away.

I'm on the highway about to get off at her exit, which is 4 blocks from her house when I get a text from my sister. It is now 2:28.

her: mom left. She said she can't wait for you.

me: What?! it's not even 2:30.

her: she left.

me: whatever.

So, I call my mom. It's now 2:29.

"Mom! What's going on? Julia told me to get you at 2:30. It's not 2:30 yet and you left?! I'm in the car less than a minute from you"

"Well, I didn't want to be late and I left already, so just turn around and go back home"

I hung up.

On the ride home I realized she must have left HER house at about 2:20. She then called my sister to tell her she left and then my sister texted me and I got that text at like 2:28... that all takes time. Why ask me to get her at 2:30 and then leave BEFORE 2:30.

If I had been even 3 minutes late, I would understand the leaving and then later the anger and frustration (due to my rep)... but she left before 2:30 and I called her on it.

It was a set up but it backfired, or did it? Now I'm the one annoyed.

OBC?

Last night Vaz and I when to the Flud Watch relaunch party at Gallery Bar. It's his old friend Doug's company and it turned out my friend Jill was one of the PR reps throwing the party...

back story: I met Jill about eight years ago. We used to go to all the same parties. First coincidentally... and then we all formed a crew. About 10-15 members maybe? OBC. Open Bar Crew. We had a place to go every night and drink for free. There was (and still is) always some kind of industry party to go to and drink for free every night in NYC, and we were the party people. How we got into all these events so deep is kind of a blur... but there we were.

little by little we all tapered off. I think we're all more dive-bar kind of people now anyway, and since I bartend again, I don't really want to be in a bar when I'm not working (not to mention the 2-year-old)

But last night - We went to this party, and it was an open vodka bar. A vodka I didn't want, so I bought my drink. I was at an open bar and I bought my drink. That's such a grown up thing to do. No No, I don't want your cheap free liquor. I'll purchase my own thank you.

What happened to OBC?

I'm going to say that some members are keeping it going (like Jill and Trudy) because they are now the ones throwing the open bar events instead of mooching. It's a more dignified crew now.

who's in charge here?

man... I want to be a calm, understanding, "the-glass-is-half-full" type of person, but I'm unsuccessful. Little things slowly creep under my skin and then a day or two later I'm pissed off. "Pissed" is a good word here.

My mom and my mother-in-law help us IMMENSELY. They babysit for free while I work.

That's awesome. I appreciate it and I love that my kid will have a relationship with her grandparents—something that I never had.

But they're not raising her.

They watch her usually like 4-8 hours a WEEK in between from when I leave to go bartend and Vaz get's home from work...

When I freelance a day gig... it's 2 and a half days each week, to each grandma.

That's a lot of time - but they're not her caretakers.

My mom said to me the other day "your father wants me to start potty training her." I didn't have a witty quip to reply at the time. I don't think I paid much attention, I sort of glossed over the statement. At the time, it wasn't a big deal, but it's been bothering me. Mainly because it was a statement.

My mom didn't ask me about it. It wasn't "Your father and I were talking and we're wondering are you introducing the potty to her? Do you want me to try when she's with me?"

It was "your father wants me to start potty training her."

Am I wrong for being annoyed?

I couldn't get a good picture...

this is the only one that nearly came out. Her voice was amazing live.

AND - she was super punctual, which I appreciate. no waiting around for an hour for the main act. 9:15 the main act began.

new technology

my mom just texted me:

OK I LOVE YOU I WAS IN THE CITY TODAY IN THE VENEZUELA EMBASIT ???

I'm usually good at decifering the code, but I don't know what is being asked here.

the dog days are over

Going to see Florence and the Machine with Irasema tonight at Terminal 5. Pics to follow

you are fibbing fibbing fibbingggggg

My in-laws live downstairs from us. Same building. They were SUPER hands off before grandchild. Now at times it's too close for comfort with love... "I made chicken salad, I'll bring some up, is the baby awake?" "I have this notice I want you to help me with, I'll bring it up, is the baby awake?" "I have your mail got delivered here, I'll bring it up, is the baby awake?""Are you home? Is the baby awake?"

My mother-in-law is very soft spoken. Her natural speaking voice is high, soft, breathy falsetto, and she has an accent because her first languages are Armenian and Farsi... I do a great impression.

You want to believe everything that comes out in this sweet calm voice, but when it comes to public opinion or my daughter you can't.

She doesn't lie, really... she fibs. (though I can TOTALLY see her in the future straight up lying to cover Melo's teenage tracks. We will have to prepare for this). Right now it's small things that make Vaz roll his eyes at me and I nod back with understanding.

They have a hard time laying down the law with Melo their first and only grandchild, so like yesterday, when Vaz and I go over to pick Melo up after work and she walks over to their new flat screen TV and starts poking it to show what is on the screen Vaz tells her "Don't touch the TV, Melania" followed by WAHHHHHHH scream pout fit by Melo, followed by Vaz's mom scooping her up and saying... "She NEVER touches the TV"

Even though she just did, in front of us.

We have heard this before. "'She never draws on the table." "She never cries." "She never does this." "She never as a tantrum." Always after she's just done the offending act in front of us, making it seem like she must only do these things when we are around.

Sure sure grandma. We get it. Your grandchild is an absolute angel OR maybe you just rarely say no to her...

Who said that was cute?!

I recently saw 2 of maybe my top ten ugliest footwear on the train. Strangely they BOTH had to do with innappropriate toe exposure. I managed to snap pics with my phone.

Exhibit A

Homegirl was wearing a hoody, a scarf, a leather jacket, jeans and these gems:

When she walked her all toes with the exception of the big toes... TOUCHED THE GROUND. Also, her pedicure was JACKED, like weeks old, grown out, chipped. Why did she feel it so necessary to expose her toes on this cold day?! even in the summer... these sandals are just ugly. I don't get the trend.

The second is

Exhibit B

Buddy, you're wearing jeans and a button down on the subway. I don't care if these are THE MOST COMFORTABLE SHOES ON THE PLANET... if you're not in some sort of race... why are you wearing them? They look like alien gorilla feet.

How do you know your limits until you reach them?

I was working all week last week in the office/design/dayjob/freelance gig... 9-5 ish. More like 10 to 7. (but Melo wakes up at 7)

Thursday and Saturday nights I'm still bartending. I do the day thing 10 to 4 and then 4 - 2ish at the bar

The other bartender needed last Friday off to go to a funeral and I just couldn't say no - so we switched her Friday for my Saturday...

Soooo last Friday, after working 14 hours the day/night before and on about 5 hours sleep I do the day gig again 10 - 4 and then to the bar.

It was pretty busy all night, which is WAY better than it being dead.

The restaurant started emptying out at around 11:30, so I was thinking OK... I'll be home by 1. I can do this.

Then I find out there is a reggae party coming in... at 12 am. The rastas start showing up. The sound system changes and it's dancehall time. I kind of want to die, but you know what everyting is irie. suck it up.

by 2am I'm on redbull # 3. Still thinking I can do this. I'll sleep when I'm dead.

by 3am I'm texting Vaz... desperate and freaked. Everyone is smoking trees and I'm feeling like I will pass out if I drive home. Strange stream of consciousness texts... I can't drive home. I'm dead. I'll take a cab and train it in tomorrow to pick up the car. I'm tired. I'm delirious. I can't sleep in my car. I can't drive home...

by 4am people are not really drinking... but the boss still is. I'm cleaning up in slow motion hoping by the time I'm done we can go.

5 am I'm in my car. I have to move it because it can't stay in its spot the next day. I decide fuck it. I'm driving home. I don't want to search for an other spot. I don't want to stand on the corner with cash in my pocket trying to hail a cab when lots of people know I'm a bartender. I don't want to sleep in my car. I'll just drive.

I down a redbull and head off.

I don't know how I got home, on autopilot for sure. Somewhere between Manhattan and Queens tears start streaming out of my eyes everytime I glance at the digital clock on the dash. By the time I'm home and in bed I'm having a complete and utter melt down. I don't remember being that tired, even during the first 3 bootcamp months of Melo's life.

Sobbing I just need to sleep. Melo is going to wake up in 2 hours. I'm so tired. I just need to sleep.

22 hours awake/19 hours of work is my absolute limit. Never again.

baby/mama

I'm always telling my daughter that I love her. I can't help it. When we're snuggling, when I'm reading to her, when we're playing her doofy version of hide-and-seek... basically all the time. I love you Melania. I love you Melania. I love you Melania.

Then - the other day as she went to sleep "I love you Melania" and EUREKA that little mush face looks at me and says "I love you mommy." more like "ah luh you mahmeh" I can't describe what a deep-inhale, greeting card moment that was.

Well a couple days ago as I was leaving her at my mom's in the morning to babysit and said, "Bye baby. I love you," BAM! in front of my mom "ah luh you mahmeh"

my mom's eyes lit up... I thought with just sweet joy

what's my problem?!

that joy was laced with jealousy.

That entire day my mom was coaching Melo to say "I love you abuela" (ah luh you wela). SAY I LOVE YOU ABUELA Melania SAY I - LOVE - YOU - ABUELA. I LOVE you Melania - NOW YOU SAY I LOVE YOU ABUELA. She tried to showed me this morning and when I said "don't force her ma - she says it," my mom said "Yes - she says it to YOU but I want her to say it TO ME."

"Or else" could have been at the end of that sentence.

I'm sitting here kind of sad about that. I'm sure my mom will throughout the day coach and push and insist Melo tell her she loves her.

I'm sad because it turns such a nice, sweet, natural, organic thing into kind of a new trick, and also because it makes me feel like my mom is in some kind of bizarro competition with me.

am I being too sensitive?